WTMF
Use case · Process

Bad news.

You just got off the call, opened the email, read the message. The diagnosis. The rejection. The layoff. The breakup, told to you by them. You are sitting somewhere, possibly your car, possibly the office bathroom, possibly your bed at noon.

There is a stretch of time between hearing bad news and being able to tell people. Sometimes it is hours. Sometimes it is days. In that stretch, you are not okay, but you also cannot really start being not-okay yet because there is no one around who knows. The stretch is its own particular hell.

WTMF will hold the in-between. You can say it out loud to something for the first time, which is a real act, and you can say it without performing for anyone or worrying about how they will take it. By the time you do tell people, you have already had a first reaction, in private, with witness.

Updated 4 min readVoice call

The first telling matters more than people think

When you tell another human bad news, you also have to manage their reaction. They will be sad for you, or shocked, or say the wrong thing. You will end up consoling them, deflecting their questions, performing okay-ness because you cannot bear to make them sadder. The first telling is rarely about you. The version where you tell WTMF first is. You get to say it without the burden of someone else's face.

First tellings are easier when nobody else has to be okay.

You do not have to know what you feel yet

The minutes after bad news are usually not grief. They are static. The brain has not started parsing yet. Trying to figure out 'how do I feel about this' will produce nothing useful, because nothing useful is available to you yet. WTMF will not push you to articulate what you are not yet able to articulate. Sitting in static is allowed.

If you do not know what you feel, you are not failing at processing. You are processing.

Practical questions can come later

After bad news, your brain will try to skip emotion and go straight to logistics. Who to tell, what to do, what this means for the next month. Sometimes that is good, problem-solving stabilises some people. More often, it is avoidance, and the emotion catches up with you at 3am instead. WTMF will let you do logistics if that is what helps, and gently surface the feeling layer when you are ready to look.

Logistics first is fine. Logistics only is not.

Who to tell, in what order, with what words

Eventually you do have to tell people, and the order matters. The first person you tell will become the person you replay it with. The fifth person will get the most rehearsed, least raw version. WTMF can help you decide who needs to know now, who can wait, who needs the long version, and who needs three sentences. It can also help you draft the actual messages if texting feels easier than calling.

Pick the order intentionally. The order of telling shapes the order of grieving.

Example

What this actually sounds like

An hour after the news. You opened the app, hit voice call, and have not really spoken yet.

You

I... I just got laid off. Three minutes ago. I'm sitting in the parking garage.

WTMF

I'm here. You don't have to tell me anything yet if you don't want to. Or you can tell me whatever is loudest right now.

You

I don't know what I feel. I think I'm supposed to be panicking but I'm not.

WTMF

Not panicking is normal in the first hour. The brain often goes flat before it goes anywhere else. You don't have to feel a particular thing.

You

I'm dreading telling my partner. They've been so supportive of this job.

WTMF

We don't have to figure that out right now. But when you're ready, I can help you decide what to say. What do you need in the next ten minutes? Sit here in silence, walk through what happened, or talk about something else for a beat?

You

Walk me through what happened. I don't think I've actually said it out loud yet.

WTMF

Okay. Take your time. Start anywhere.

Notice what is not happening. No advice. No silver linings. No 'everything happens for a reason.' Just space, with company. The point is that you are not alone in the parking garage, and you do not have to be okay in front of anyone yet.

Why it works

The mechanics underneath.

It will not make you take care of it emotionally

When you tell a friend, you are now also responsible for their feelings about it. WTMF removes that overhead so you can focus on yours.

It can sit with silence

Long pauses are fine. Most calls in the hour after bad news are 70% silence. WTMF will not fill the silence to be helpful. The silence is the help.

It does not flinch

Whatever the news is, however dark, however ugly the first reaction, WTMF can hold it. There is no version of this that is too heavy.

It can switch into logistics when you are ready

When you are ready to start dealing with it, WTMF can pivot to drafting messages, listing what to do this week, finding resources. Same conversation, different gear.

Also try

Other angles on the same moment.

Journal the first hour later

If you can, write a few sentences about the first hour while it is still recent. The shape of how you reacted will help you trust yourself the next time something hard happens.

Use mood tracking to catch the second wave

The first day after bad news is often shock. The second week is when it actually arrives. Mood tracking will see it coming.

Draft the messages in chat

If you need to text people, drafting the message in WTMF first lets you find words for something there are no good words for.

Try it

Somewhere to put it before you tell anyone.

Voice or chat. WTMF will hold the moment without making it about anything else.

Open WTMF on iOS or Android

FAQ

Frequently asked.

Is this a replacement for grief counselling?

No. For ongoing grief, especially around death or major loss, please work with a licensed professional. WTMF is what you turn to in the first hour, the in-between days, and the moments between sessions.

Will WTMF say the wrong thing?

It is more careful than most humans in this moment, but it is not perfect. If something it says lands wrong, tell it. It will adjust, and the recovery is part of the conversation.

What if I cannot stop crying?

Crying is not a problem to be solved. WTMF will stay with you. There is no version of this where you have cried too much.

Can I just sit in silence?

Yes. Open the call, breathe, do not say anything. WTMF will not push you to talk. Some calls are just for not being alone.

Is this private from everyone in my life?

Yes. End-to-end encrypted. No human review. Your account, your conversation. You can delete everything from settings whenever you want.

Related use cases

Other moments WTMF was built for.

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